Your Morning Chuckle: Spiders in Texas

Thanks PD for my morning grin. NJC

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied. "

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Long legs." Her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Long legs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Long legs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, it might be okay in California or New York but we're not having any of that stuff in Texas."

Give me That Old Time Rock'n'roll

I will admit to being past my due date musically, but still I believe that modern music lacks something essential. Every time the music downloader police ask a young downloader why he does it, the same rationales arise. The music is over-priced and it sucks. It sucks partly because it is atonal and, if mildly inventive, a crude knockoff of the Beatles, The Stones, or some other band they could not possibly emulate. Sorry, lads, but I grew up on the Beatles and I saw The Stones in concert, and the Butthole Surfers or Dead Kennedys are not they. It is not that I don't try to stay abreast. Plucked from the local library have come Beck, Oasis, and Linkin Park.

I have been known to download a few choice songs myself; however, it is rare that one comes off the aforementioned trio, or those of their ilk. Now, taste in music is highly subjective; nevertheless, if I can't take that tune down to a Latin city such as Rio and get the cafe locals to get up and dance to it, than it has failed on the most basic level. Very little defeats the ability of the Cariocas to boogie down to it. Much of today's arhythmic garbage could, however. Music is rhythm and beat. It may make you want to choose a Bach sonata for the wine and cheese course, or with rock, makes you want to grab the nearest member of the opposite sex to do the dirty boogie. When it makes you only want to bang heads together, it has missed some crucial point.

Dylan can croak all he wants, it is the magic of his arrangements and lyrics that has made his music immortal. Every great artist can take Dylan's clay and mould a sterling, if different tune from it. Where are those classic tunes today? Most of today's music is so inferior that nobody wants to reproduce it. Even the commercials avoid it, unless they want to make some age-related point. "Like it's a rebellion song, man. Or stuff like that. You know what I mean? Like new stuff. Like the soundtrack to "Grand Theft Auto". Like stuff that makes you real agro, you know. We are tired of that old fart music. As for rap--well rock around the glock, yo hoes. Cuz we going down for the time on the clock. But with parole, we goin' to roll." Up-lifting music for people of all ages, I'm sure, but condemned to the selling of high octane beers like Colt-45 malt--which one black gentleman remarked as I grabbed two huge bottles off the shelf, "Yo! Good to see that whitey loves that "jungle juice" too.

Let me conclude my screed with this small antecdote. I once witnessed a taxi driver pull up onto the sidewalk of a cafe in one of the great beach cities of the world. He whipped open the doors to his cab and out poured "Don't Want to Dance", by Eddie Grant, a Barbadian reggae singer. The tune was so infectious that half the cafe patrons got up and started to dance to it. They understood not a word of the lyrics, yet the beat was irresistible. That was at 11 a.m. And that was real music.

© Bud -- Rod Stewart is now crooning in my ear, "I am Sailing" -- and so am I -- off to sleep

Fulford on Roget's Thesaurus

Fulford holds forth, elucidates, and expounds on the glory of Roget's Thesaurus.

Robert Fulford is most exacerbated by the nattering nabobs, who are attacking the Thesaurus. One claims it gives dumbo college students the sense of being learned. Well, being articulate is a step away from their former boobism. Maybe they would stop overusing imprecise words and phrases, e.g. "Like, up know", "stuff", and other words that shine a spotlight on their ignorance of a given topic. Roget's critics think that people should search their minds for the correct words. What elitist bull. Not much point going to a word bank that has been robbed by verbal laziness. And where, pray tell, did these scholars pick up their convoluted verbosity? As Fulford points out, such carping about a man who created a masterpeice of vocabulary (as well as inventing the slide rule) is "bald-faced bunkum, babbling balderdash, and bullheaded baloney". A thesaurus can never fall into the wrong hands.

© Bud

The Common Thread in the Politicization of the National Police Force?

Diane Francis has shown how the RCMP has become politicized to a dangerous degree. (The National Post, Mar. 23, 04) They were used to falsely accuse Brian Mulroney of illegal bribe-taking for the Airbus affair. Then they were pressed into action to defame Francois Beaudoin, the BDB top executive. Then there is the case of Canada Post CEO, Georges Clermont. An RCMP raid was conducted on his office. Nothing was found that was illegal, but the man's reputation was damaged. It was then easy to ease him out of his job.

What is the common link to these misuses of our National Police -- soon to become our National Gestapo if this abuse continues? Jean Chretien, according to Diane Francis' article. To me, he was the hidden mastermind. Mulroney's reputation was to be destroyed because Mulroney was hated. On top of that, Chretien demanded the case be (expensively) continued, even though the RCMP were telling him that these accusations appeared baseless. Final result: Mulroney sued the government and was awarded two million dollars for the libel directed at him. Chretien just cost Canadian taxpayers another couple of million to play out his vindictiveness.

Next is Beaudoin. This man had the effrontery to challenge Chretien on a loan to a man who was wanted for fraud back in Belgium. The fact that Chretien owned part of an adjacent golf course was seen as the reason why he pushed Beaudoin to make the loan; so it appears. When it was obvious that Auberge Grand'mere was failing, Beaudoin wanted to call in the loan. That was when Chretien called in the cops, I suspect. Beaudoin's house was raided and he was sued for misuse of his perqs. Chretien's hand-picked BDB man, Michel Vennat, took his place.

And what was Clermont's offence? Nothing really; however, there had to be top jobs for old cabinet buddies. Hence and therefore, people had to be removed. The morality of this patronage or whether Andre Ouelette was even up to the job as CEO of Canada Post appear not to have been considered. He's a friend of JC, so he deserved a big salary. No moral qualms. Using the RCMP to destroy somebody for his personal ends was standard behaviour, to my mind. Thank God he's gone.

Francis was also not happy with how the phrase "no irregularities" concluded the 1997 Auditor-General's report on the Public Works. The report details numerous examples of nafarious deeds being committed. Somehow these got papered over as "administrative errors". Let us not find that that last great hope, the Auditor-General's office, is also partially corrupted by Chretien's undemocratic methods.

© Bud

Holy Smoke Screen! Isn't it Time to Strip Sheik Yassin of his Spirituality?

Now if we Westerners could get past the Pope issuing a papal bull that called for the slaughter of Muslims amongst us, then we could embrace the Sheik's ideology; however, we are now too civilized to countenance such a statement from any religious leader. It's away too Middle-Agey for me anyway.

The world-wide support in the Muslim quarters for the Sheik is almost as shocking as the old terrorist mayhem. If these people really believe that a "spiritual" act in Islam is to board a bus of school kids and blow them up, or leave them with hideous wounds for life, then we are truly in a war of civilization versus murderous barbarity.

If the Palestinians didn't exist, the Arab world would have to invent them. There is a seething mass of illiterate peasants across the Middle-East who are inwardly furious at their disgacefully corrupt governments; therefore, their fury must be directed outwards. Voila, the Palestinians are trotted out. Every killer of Jews there is a glorious martyr.

Of course, Israel's enormous economic progress is built on the backs of the oppressed Palestinians. Peace and justice would reign in the newly-created Palestine, if a Taliban-esque theocracy were successful. All this propaganda is fed to the masses daily, with the collusion of religious leaders. After the obligatory demonstations about the Sheikh's assassination end, the populations of these countries will go back to grumbling in their gruel about their miserable lot at home. Should a flash point arise, another Israel-bashing demonstration will be scheduled. And again, they will take to the streets denouncing the Great Satan or the Zionist plot to take over Iraq. This is the face of our enemy. Scary thought, isn't it.

© Bud

UN: Did Israel Have a Right to Deactivate Yassin?

The UN Security Council is going to take up the question of whether Israel had the right to take out the Hamas terrorist geezer. The French delegate in the Council has already lead the charge to condemn Israel. If we could have taken out Hitler or Mussolini in 1943, do you think those decisions would have been debated? Well, come to think of it, the collaborationist Vichy French probably would have complained.

© Bud

Work at the SCOC

The Supreme Court has two vacancies. Their ad: All those with the requisite qualifications are urged to apply. Send JC's contact phone number along with your CV. We welcome diversity. Only those resumes that meet our political/social specifications will be considered. If you happen to be bilingual, please write the essay section in French. These are Ontario appointments, but another francophone is always welcome on the bench. Think Louise Arbour, who was from Ontario. Good luck to all candidates.

© Bud -- I'm applying right now

Want to Cook Like a Noo Yawker?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, hie yourselves to the local magazine store or library and get The New York Times Magazine. Every issue features recipe items, overlain with the useless information about where it was discovered and how charming the hostess or chef was. The recipes ordinarily would defeat the non-New Yorker, as they invariably contain items that could not be tracked down without a chef and bloodhound, who knew all six places that carry these exotic ingredients. I have found that with kitchen creativity, you can get away with table salt instead of kosher or sea salt. Just tell the guests that it has sea salt in it. Still, some recipes are so challenging that only the most intrepid gastronome would attempt them. For you few, I shall lay out the challenge.

Today, you are going to make wild-striped bass tartare with chocolate 'Ivoire'. Yes, the quotation marks are there in the recipe. I am not trying to sound pretentious. Hey, we are not talking melted Hersey bars here. Before attempting this recipe, one would be advised to call the local fishmonger to reserve the wild striped bass. Fresh or not at all is our operating premise. Now de-skin the fish and chop it into slivers. Watch the fingers. Nothing ruins a culinary masterpiece faster than a severed thumbnail. Practice this before performing your sushi knife skills before friends. Should your lack of eye/hand coordination lead to intensive bleeding, remember that the yuzu gelee coating takes six hours of refrigerating. Lots of time to slip down to the ER. But on to said gelee.

2 tsp gelatine
1 cup fish fumet (warmed)
1 tbsp yuzu juice
sea salt to taste

Now that was easy wasn't it? The chopped fish tartare is ready to be geleed. Did I mention that the bass must be sashimi-grade?

2 ozs of Valrhona white chocolate (finely grated)
1 tb 'dolce' extra-virgin oil. Preferably Ligurian brand.
Fleur de sel (sea salt in French) to taste

For the shiso tempura:
2 tbs cake flour -- Panko crumbs will do in a pinch
1 tbs cornstarch
safflower oil for cooking mixture
4 shiso leaves, split in half

Bud -- A two page cooking manual comes with the recipe, but revealing it would take away some of the frission of this kitchen adventure. Bon appetit!

Shop Till You Drop takes on a Whole New Meaning in Israel

We get the news that Sheikh Yassin was assassinated along with seven other people. Take away the two possible by-standers, (sympathizers) and the rest were terrorists. In the Arab world, there is the usual denial that Yassin was anything but a "spiritual" leader. In reality, he was the political leader, as well. His personal word was the death sentence for a group of children at a pizza restaurant. It was the death of joyous dancing at a club in Jaffa, silenced by a suicide bomber, who waited until a high Jewish holiday to ruin the party. It was the deaths of mothers, blown away while trying to find the freshest onions at the market. And perhaps most poignantly, it was the death of a teenage Israeli girl, hired as part-time security for a store. Killed by a teenage Palestinian girl who, if the Israeli girl hadn't have stopped her, would have wandered inside and killed dozens more. Yes, shopping in Israel is only for the hearty.

Of course some drop while trying to go shopping. Taking a bus in Israel is the most extreme adventure of them all. It's a hard stressful commute, when you eye some 12 year old Palestinian with a bookbag, and say, "Is he carrying a bomb? I remember some 11 year old kid with a bag of explosives and nails, who was caught at the border." I suspect some passengers get off blocks before their planned stops downtown. For most Israelis the shopping binge begins with one fearful trip -- as they load up on as much food and necessities as possible at once. At least they can endure this war-zone state better when they think of Sheik Yassin's retribution.

© Bud

Hamas Supremo Killed -- Why Now?

I was stumped on this one, as were millions of others. A short while back, Sharon publically stated that the Sheikh's days of wheelchairing through the halls of terrorism was about to end. But we are back to why now?

By sheer luck, I tuned in to The BBC world news. There once again one is confronted by Susanna Hussain, the presenter. The BBC make-up crew have made a valiant attempt to liven her dead eyes and that humourless smile. The entire seven minutes up to the main interview was an appeal to emotion over the death. Finally, she got to a Middle-east analyst. The question is why pick this day. Ross put it succinctly. The last attack on the "plant" in an Israeli city, was really on a chemical plant that would have become an enormous bomb, and in turn, would have flattened whole adjacent areas. The death toll would have been in the hundreds, with thousands wounded. The Sheikh, whose hand is behind those outrages, had crossed a line. The discovery that Hamas had a massacre plan to surpass the Madrid train bombings was the final straw. The velvet glove of proportional response was off. Some Israeli official appeared on the screen and said, basically, "There is a long list of other terrorists that we will also eliminate." The stakes have risen on both sides. Don't count on that wall coming down soon.

© Bud

Corruption File: Flags and Fake Invoices

Flag retailers claim government paid for fake invoices Mar. 19, 04

Retailers asked to sell Canadian flags to the federal Department of Public Works in the late 1990s didn't supply the merchandise but got kickbacks when they submitted fake invoices, CBC-TV's National News reported last night.

B.C. flag retailer Don Williams told the CBC his company received about $5,000 in return for a fake invoice documenting flags he never supplied.

"I think this was just a way for the government to get around some of the rules of purchasing," Williams said. "Not my baby finger was lifted. I did nothing. This was simply a payoff."

The CBC report didn't explain why the government would solicit fake invoices and pay for flags it didn't receive, nor where the flags the government distributed came from, though some retailers said they suspected they were cheap knock-offs made in China.

The flag giveaway lasted five years and cost at least $23 million.

[. . . .] Another flag retailer, Doreen Braverman, said last week she, too, was paid for a phoney invoice. "It was a little kickback, yes," she told the CBC.

Braverman said she complained for years about the scheme to then-prime minister Jean Chrétien, Public Works Minister Alfonso Gagliano and Finance Minister Paul Martin.

Martin replied, in 1997, that it was Sheila Copps' jurisdiction.

Terrorists Won in Spain

This is from March 19, 04, but worth looking at, anyway. Imagine the terrorists' chortles of glee
Marcus Gee, Mar. 19, 04

This is a fateful moment for the world's democracies. The question before us could not be plainer. Do we stand together against the mortal threat posed by Islamic totalitarianism and terror? Or do we allow these murderers to divide and defeat us?
For that is quite obviously their strategy: divide and conquer. If the events of the past week are anything to go by, it is working.

The commuter-train attacks in Madrid have succeeded beyond the terrorists' fondest hopes. Not only did they cause shocking bloodshed -- 202 dead as of yesterday, tying the toll of the Bali bombings in 2002 -- they also toppled their first government.
Out went the conservative Popular Party of Jose Maria Aznar, a staunch foe of terrorism who was blamed by voters for dragging Spain into the Iraq conflict and misleading them about the identity of the Madrid attackers.

In came Socialist Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, who may become the first Western leader to owe his election directly to al-Qaeda.

Imagine the chortles of glee in the terrorist camp when Mr. Zapatero immediately repeated his campaign pledge to pull Spain's 1,300 troops out of Iraq by June 30 unless the United Nations takes over.

Imagine the grins and nods when he declared yesterday that the postwar occupation of Iraq is a "fiasco," and urged Americans to get rid of President George W. Bush. That was precisely what the terrorists wanted, and Mr. Zapatero handed it to them on a platter.

For months now, they have been working to break apart the coalition that is striving to stabilize and rebuild Iraq.

That is why they attacked the Red Cross and the United Nations in Baghdad. That is why they have murdered Italian policemen and Japanese diplomats and Spanish intelligence agents. That is why they attacked British targets in Istanbul, too. One by one, the members of the U.S.-led coalition have felt their sting.

[. . . .] Whatever Mr. Zapatero and his ilk may believe about the rights and wrongs of overthrowing Saddam Hussein in the first place, it is clear that if the extremists manage to break up the coalition and drive out the Americans before Iraq is ready to govern itself, they will have scored a historic victory.

It is just as clear that if the Americans and their allies succeed in planting a representative government in Iraq, the extremists will have suffered a loss that could turn the tide in the whole Arab world against them.

Al-Qaeda clearly grasps what is at stake. It is time the democracies understood, too. To beat terrorism, we have to win in Iraq. And to win in Iraq, we have to stay united when the bombs go off. There is no other way.

Absolutely Unacceptable! Who Funds These Protesters?

Cops spray mob in Sgro's office -- Protesters trying to halt pal's deportation Jason Botchford, Toronto Sun, Mar. 23, 04

Police used pepper spray to clear out protesters who stormed Immigration Minister Judy Sgro's riding office yesterday and allegedly knocked out a 65-year-old security guard. Police said the guard was injured after he was pushed to the ground at the office on Finch Ave. W. when he tried to force out protesters attempting what they called a "peaceful sit-in" just after 10 a.m.

The protest was in support of Fahim Kayani, who was arrested last year along with 20 other foreign students, mostly from Pakistan, for allegedly posing a threat to national security. Kayani is to be deported to Pakistan today.

Eleven protesters were jointly charged with assault and two counts of mischief each. The mischief charges stem from damage to office furniture.

Last night police said they released three of the protesters. The other eight chose to remain in custody to appear in court this morning.

[. . . . ] The protesters were a mix of people from the Ontario Coalition Against Poverty (OCAP) and Project Threadbare, which is calling on Ottawa to exonerate and compensate the 21 students.

Project Threadbare's Amandeep Kaur said the guard's injuries were regrettable and only happened because the group was not allowed to make a point to Sgro.

Really! They have made their point in this activity and by their methods, ye shall know them. No more!!!

Just as a point of interest, does our own government(s) fund Project Threadbare with Canadians' tax dollars? Check it out. NJC

Business Ethics -- A Price War?

I often check the Financial Post's Editorial page and, previously, I have recommended Kedrosky, Lemieux, Corcoran, Solomon and others. Tony Keller's article is one of the reasons to check business pages -- given the current cry over business ethics.

Ethical Contortions -- If business ethics is bad for business, is it ethical? Tony Keller, Mar. 1, 04 National Post

Last month, I bought shares in the Bank of Ontario. It seemed like a promising investment: a healthy business in a growing economy, paying a reasonable dividend, with a track record of solid returns. And then a funny thing happened. The CEO suddenly announced that the company would be giving all future profits to cancer research, AIDS prevention in Africa and a restitution fund for Canada's native peoples. No more dividends, no more investments in equipment, no more employee training; just millions of dollars to benevolent organizations working to make the world a better place. I'm suing.

This story is made up. But it's not implausible. The cry that corporate money is being used for purposes that do not benefit shareholders is a common complaint, and a common source of lawsuits. It's what the minority shareholders of Hollinger International are alleging that Conrad Black did, except that the purpose the money was allegedly put to wasn't so high-minded as cancer research, and they aren't accusing him of misusing all of the money, just several hundred million dollars worth of it. (These allegations have not been proven in court.) According to the law, the duties of a public corporation's senior executives are clear: Make money for shareholders, or at least make good-faith efforts to do so. That's what corporations are for.

But is that what a corporation should be for? No, say many of those teaching in the new field of "business ethics," part of the curriculum at business schools here and abroad. For this month's annual MBA issue, I asked National Post editorials editor Jonathan Kay to dive into the growing debate: Do corporations have ethical duties? If so, what are they? If a corporation seeks only to make money for shareholders, is it fulfilling its true purpose, or behaving immorally? And what should MBA students, the next generation of business leaders, be taught about all of this? Jon's article, "Ethical Dilemmas," begins on page 78.

[. . . .] But if the corporation has to obey the law, and its purpose is to achieve success in the marketplace, then your average citizen still has two very powerful tools for changing corporate behavior. Start with the law: [. . . .]

Or go to the marketplace. Corporations fear the wrath of the consumer. For example, many companies now refuse to buy from overseas suppliers that don't follow labour or environmental standards. In industries from coffee shops to diamonds to oil and gas, corporations are responding to consumer pressure. These pressures aren't always rational and they aren't always right, but they can make a company change, and this change is happening without asking corporations to blow up a legal framework that has worked for two centuries. A corporation exists to make money -- but it can only do that by giving its customers what they want. That's the only way it can satisfy both society and its investors. Sounds like a happy medium.

As for "going to the marketplace", today, I received this, and it makes sense for peaceful protestors to flex their democratic choice muscle -- especially since gas prices have risen and people are complaining. See if the marketplace responds; alternatively, you may choose to drive less and walk. You will feel better, too. NJC

For Activists, A Suggestion

Having some control over gas prices ...

I hear we are going to hit close to $1.00 a litre by the summer. Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth, offered this good idea: This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work.

Please read it and join with us!

By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about 69.9 cents a litre is super cheap. Me too! It is currently 76.9 for regular unleaded in my town.. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a Litre of gas is CHEAP at 69.9, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace ... not sellers.. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing THEIR gas! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea:

For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are IRVING & ESSO ). If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact we need to reach literally millions of Shell and Petro Canada gas buyers.

It's really simple to do!! Now, don't wimp out on me at this point ... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!

I am sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you sends it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further you guessed it ... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all.

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?

Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.

PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES AND KEEP THEM DOWN.

THIS CAN REALLY WORK.

YOU KNOW THEY LOVE HOLIDAYS AND SUMMER TRAVELERS.

I don't get involved in this kind of emailing, normally -- but it has crossed my mind that maybe I am wrong -- that this would be a way to unite the power of the pen, the web, and an idea. Maybe it would be more useful than forwarding jokes to friends? Nah! I enjoy them, still.

Lebanon: Death of a Nation by Sandra Mackey -- An Idiosyncratic Review

My review of Lebanon: Death of a Nation, will be quite personal for I had the pleasure of visiting Lebanon six months before the catastrophic civil wars broke out. Fittingly enough, the author begins with the description of two hotels, The St. Georges, a magnificent old haunt of spies and correspondents, and the glistening new Phoenicia Intercontinental, which was favoured by the new business class and American tourists. The dowager and the hipster could be seen from the balcony of my hotel, what was--then--the charming, small, four-star Alcazar. In a very short time they would become scarred fortresses for the myriad armies of "liberation". All three of these hotels represented the fine patina of Western influence that overlapped a seething mass of Arabs, who considered each other's religious confessions to be apostate.

How my travelling companion and I even came to be in Lebanon must reveal something of its people's character. We were scheduled only to land in Beirut as in-transit passengers. A quick refueling and on to Istanbul was the plan; however, the outline of the city as we flew in was so intriguing that we decided to stop over. My travel partner tried one gate to get through to the main terminal; I tried another. The burly guard at my exit refused to let me in. Dejectedly, I returned to my seat; however, my travelling companion had made it through and, within minutes, returned with an airline ticket agent who commandeered a Jeep and drove out on the tarmac to our plane. The baggage hold was opened; we retreived our bags and then went through customs. In the line-up, some Texan oil roustabout dressed like a cowboy told us about the Alcazar Hotel and gratitously gave me 20 Lebanese pounds for the taxi. The airline fixed us up with new open tickets to Istanbul. The Alcazar had reduced the price of their rooms and meals by 50% because of the Arab-Israeli war. Ah, the good old days -- when travelling was a joy.

Lebanon, being a tiny country, was just right to explore. Through the conceirge, we arranged two separate trips, one to the north, the other to the east of Beirut. Moving north we entered the stronghold of the Maronite/Greek Catholic area. It was rather prosperous-looking and still had the crusader's forts intact. As Mackey points out in her book, the crusader spirit was equally intact. The return trip to Beirut took us past a Druze settlement. The Druze are an off-shoot of Shi'ism, but considered only one notch above the Maronites in terms of their infidel status. The driver pointed it out and said, "Bad Muslims. Very war-like. Big trouble someday."

The following day, we had a new driver/guide and set out for the ancient Roman ruins of Baalbek in the Bekaa Valley. As we zigzagged through the Shuf Mountains, we passed through hamlets that appeared to be fortified enclaves, with high walls isolating them from their neighbours. I didn't realize that we were close to the demarcation line between the Maronites and their mortal enemies, the Shi'ites. As we descended into the valley, the horizon was filled with what appeared to be small tree plantations. They were marijuana plants. The stuff was even growing in the roadside ditches. Jokingly, I suggested the driver stop so I could pick a basket or two. He laughed and said, "No way!" Farther on, I saw why. A motley-uniformed militia group had set up a check-point. Vehicles were searched. It turned out that the only thing the Christians and the Muslim militias could agree on was that the hashish must get through. Later when the civil war started they always arranged ceasefires at harvest time. The Muslims controlled the hash production, but the Christians controlled the ports for shipping it out. Small wonder the stoner's mantra is "peace, brother".

Baalbek, outside the of the quite impressive Roman ruins, was a dusty collection of sand-coloured houses. Black lumps of women in chadors furtively scuttled by. Nothing worth buying as a souvenir was to be found in its shops. On the return to Beirut, we glanced down on the Shatila Palestinian refugee camp. Huts made of cardboard and mud wattle were crammed together. The driver, A Maronite, leaned out the window and gave it the finger. "B*******! They will destroy Lebanon yet. Just like they tried to do in Jordan," he railed. The seismic shifts were gathering; that, we could discern from both drivers.

Yet we had no idea that his words would be so prophetic, so soon. My visit was in mid-November, 1973 and by April, 15, 1974 shells would be raining down on that very camp. Actually, we had strolled unaware through various sections of Beirut, savouring the sophisicated Western image, then rubbing shoulders with that of old Araby. Back home, I had only half a year to extol the wonders of intriguing Lebanon -- when the unending brutality and destruction began. As always, losing a country forever, produces a great sadness. Here was a country so distorted and dangerous that a return would be almost suicidal.

Mackey's book ties together the threads of this fraternal hatred. Pandora's box had been opened and it could never be closed. She shows how internecine distrusts, even among the same religious faction, helped tear the country apart. The Sunnis were split between Amal, who wanted a secular Lebanon run by Muslims while Hizbollah (backed by Iran) wanted a theocracy. When they were not duking it out amongst themselves, they fought with the Maronites and the Druze--the heretics had formed a temporary alliance. Later, the Shi'ites and the Palestinians would join the fray. Only after The Paris of the Middle East had been reduced to a pock-marked slum and the Syrians moved in, did the fighting cease. By then the various religious camps had segregated the country into bristling fiefdoms. Any pretense at multiculturalism was buried, along with the uncountable dead. The tourist trade is gone, as well as the international banking system that was Lebanon's other economic mainstay. The drugs that used to be exported now, more and more, sustain the shell-shocked citizens. Israel gave up its northern cordon sanitaire in Lebanon and its Maronite population moved into Israel. The country is effectively run by Syrian proxies and Hizbollah. The northern Maronite/Greek Catholic mountain areas survive by maintaining a massive militia force. As Pierre Gemayel, a Maronite President said in the 1960's, "The Maronite pyschosis is internalized, vicious, and tenacious. Nothing can be done about it. It is the Muslim's job to reassure them." This is not about to happen. The demographic surge of the Muslims alone has doomed the Christians to minority status. The book is a fascinating minature portrait of what Iraq could easily become. Highly recommended.

© Bud -- who went when the going was good

Your Vote, Your Choice

While vacationing on a ranch one August day, J*** C******* gets thrown from his horse, lands on a rattlesnake, gets bit and dies because the emergency room at the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says C*******.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself. He
says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

"But, I've already made up my mind, I want to be in Heaven," replied
C*******.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell . The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees.

In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his
dad and thousands of other Liberals who had helped him out over the years P***** T******, J*** M*******, P********, St L****** etc . . . The whole of the "Left" was there . . .everyone laughing . . happy and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the "suckers and peasants." They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

The Devil himself comes up to C******* with a frosty drink. "Have a Margarita and relax, J***!"

"Uh, I can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says C*******, dejectedly.

"This is Hell, son you can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it just gets better from there!"

C******* takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes like himself, and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the GST and Free Trade promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it,it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as C******* steps on the elevator and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours C******* is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or fratboy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "P***** T****** never prepared me for this."

The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."

With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, C******* reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste. kind of like SUDBURY. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The Devil comes over to C******* and puts an arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers a shocked C*******, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar and drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"

Corruption, Corruption, Corruption

Corruption is new leader's trump card Licia Corbella, Calgary Sun Mar. 21, 2004

[. . . . .] Stephen Harper and his Conservative Party need to tear a page out of real estate manuals and recognize that this upcoming federal election should include three prongs of attack against the Liberal government: corruption, corruption, corruption.

[. . . .] Every issue should be addressed by first bringing up the unprecedented corruption of the Liberal government and the mismanagement of billions of dollars of taxpayers' money.

So, for instance, when journalists ask Harper what his position on health care is, it should be: "Were it not for the corruption of the federal Liberals and their decades of mismanagement perhaps there would be enough money to provide Canada's provinces and territories with 50% of the money to run their health portfolios. We'll have to wait and see what the government books say and we're certain if we prioritize properly there will be money to fund health care."

If people try to get the Conservatives to talk about two-tier medicine -- which will never happen in Canada -- again, the answer is simple. "Were it not for the corruption and mismanagement of the federal Liberal government for the past 11 years that discussion would have never even happened."

What if they ask about bringing back the death penalty? Same thing. The answer should be, "this country has been run so corruptly for the past 11 years, we will be too busy getting the financial house in order, to deal with an issue that most Canadians are not, frankly, interested in seeing change in."

Ditto for questions about the military, research and development, infrastructure, fuel taxes being divided up fairly, help for the poor, help for the handicapped -- anything.

All of those issues should be pushed through the meat grinder of the sponsorship scandals, the flag scandal, the HRDC scandal, the rifle registry fiasco, Shawinigan, Hotel Grand Mere, the buying of defective submarines, the scrapping of the helicopter contract that cost the lives of some servicemen, thousands of high tech jobs and $500 million in penalties and the list really can go on and on.

Canadians know that all of these sinkholes for our money are really just the tip of the proverbial iceberg in terms of the amount of money squandered or outright stolen.

[. . . .] "Canada doesn't have a revenue problem, Canada has a corruption and misspending problem and it's called the Liberals."

How Crass! How Liberal! -- A Pre-Election Goodie for Bombardier -- Designed to Buy Votes? -- Guess Where?

Is this the price of keeping JC quiescent -- perhaps of not mentioning that PM knew a little more than he has acknowledged? The price of votes in one very special province? Or am I too cynical -- even wrong?

Bombardier wins $270M CF-18 deal -- Train military pilots Mar. 20, 04, CP

MONTREAL - Bombardier Inc. has won a $270-million contract to train CF-18 pilots for the Canadian military and scrapped plans to sell its military aviation training business. [. . . . ]

Just mention loss of jobs, Bombardier and Quebec in the same sentence and guess what? Money appears -- for the Liberals' favourite charity--compliments of Canadian taxpayers'. NJC

News of the defence contract leaked out last week when CAE Inc. of Toronto, the world's leading aircraft simulator maker, complained its rival bid had not been fairly treated by the Department of National Defence.

For those of you who have seen Quebec favoured for DND contracts--as well as for DND officers--for what seems like a millennium, I'll bet you are not shocked. Of course, the rest of us are? NJC

Bombardier Aerospace is teaming up with L-3 Communications of the United States for the contract, as the American partner uses similar technology for F-18 simulators it provides to the U.S. military. Under the eight-year contract, Bombardier will build training centres at air bases in Cold Lake, Alta., and Bagotville, Que., and they will be equipped with sophisticated simulators.

Would I be amiss in pointing out that no contract can be awarded in TROC without a contract awarded to that provincial sinkhole of Liberal patronage, Slush Funds and more? NJC

Bombardier already does pilot training for Canadian military and NATO pilots in Moose Jaw, Sask., Cold Lake and Southport, Man.

Let us not forget the Demarais/ Power Corp./ Jean Chretien connection. Liberals take care of their own. NJC