March 04, 2004

Optimism -- for Canadians

At last a warm day, a few degrees above. I am breaking out the lawn chairs -- the three foot high snow banks around the bare grass make an excellent windbreak. It is also a perfect time to pick up the navigationally-challenged robins. As the news is too bleak to countenance--the suicide bombings of Shi'ite ceremonies in Iraq and simutaneously in Pakistan are being blamed by the Shi'ites on America and the Zionists--forget their twisted minds, I will give you The National Post's twisted minds on the envisioned "drugged driving police checkpoints legislation". Things the police should be on the watch for:

1. Car has giant bong strapped to the roof rack
2. When car driver is asked to get in the back of cop car, he says, "Fire up the Batmobile!"
3. Driver claims magic mushrooms are really chew toys for his pet hamster
4. A huge bag of nachos is strapped into the baby car seat
5. When asked to show his driver's licence and insurance, he pulls a crumpled picture of Bob Marley out of an empty poppycock can.
6. Driver takes ticket and starts rolling it up into a blunt
7. You place breathalyzer near suspect's lips; he grabs it and begins lip-synching Sly Stone's "I want to take you higher"
8. Every 30 seconds driver gets mesmerized by the rotating police car lights

© Bud


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