February 04, 2007

Feb. 4, 2007: Bud's Trilogy on the Arts

The crappy world of today's art

Just when you thought that "art" couldn't sink any lower, along came Terence Koh. You may not know Koh, but the larger world of modern art does, and they adore him. A review of Koh and his muses is headlined in the Review section of The Globe and Mail (Sat, Jan. 2). It seems that Koh has got a real jones for displaying his bodily secretions. Don't have any "nicotine-stained" underwear at home, than you can purchase Koh's--$100 a pair (authenticity guaranteed by certificate). Now if you think Koh is just a talentless sh**, who should win the annual entrepreneur award for finding niche markets, you would be wrong,

Koh is also a talentless performance artist as well, although he may astound you by standing in front of a 3000 watt lamp and scream in an impressive array of tonalities. Jackass should be channelling this dude. However Johnny Knoxville, aka Jackass, would not wow you with segments of him whispering into a black ball in the stage corner, which may or may not contain his own excrement. Jackass just can't get into this deeper metaphysical stuff. The highest echelons of the art world can, though. Recently Koh, a Canadian, gave a bravura performance in New York City. The heavies from MoMo, Saatchi, and the Whitney Gallery were all in attendance. Later, by invitation only, Koh throw a party where everyone had to wear white. Failure to do so, meant you had to wear a veil. Various studly young men wandered around the room wearing nothing but white underwear and veils. Their underwear was white, so why did they have to wear veils? Only Koh knows for sure. Performance art is a fluid medium, you see.

Koh does not neglect any art form. His newest advancement is on the cinematric front. He is directing a gay porno film. He's coy, so only mentions that it is about gay zombies and he will be the "fluffer". He is inured to the slings and arrows of the Philistine movie academy, which will not give it even a nomination.

Now let's hear a big jeer for Bev Oda**. She is the wicked witch of the arts world. She actually started to cut off taxpayer grants to various sublime expressions of gender identity, aboriginal linguistic survival* and racial iconalities. And to think that poor Mister Koh wouldn't get his yearly stipend to excavate his art. His constipation will be mourned in the global art racket.

© Bud Talkinghorn

* connected with the Canada Council of ... music and/or art, I assume.
** tongue firmly in cheek
There is another item on Koh below. FHTR

When did the music die?

In the same Review section of The Globe and Mail, there was an article by Robert Everett-Green about the tunelessness of today's music. He compared the crafting of a song by the giants of yore and their modern equivalents. The current practice is to lay down a rhythm track, add a drum loop and jam some lyrics into it. To discuss the results of this new music, "Rolling Stone" has to use definitions such as "glam-slam rock" or "Indies garage rock meets an even more twisted Edge". To give the Indies boys their due, they take band names like Garbage, The Voidoids, and the New Pornographers. Fair warning. It is only a matter of time before the multi-talented Mr. Koh takes up music and drags this melodic farce to its nadir. Unfortunately, he will probably garner a huge audience.

© Bud Talkinghorn--At least Sid Vicious had the decency to commit suicide for his role in this degradation.

Kyoto as political performance art

Obviously, the combined opposition has no inkling of the absurdity of their demands on the Kyoto Accord. They tabled a resolution asking the Conservatives to reach the reductions the Liberals signed on to years ago. Effectively, that amounts to reducing greenhouse emissions by 33% in five years. This could be accomplished only if the Tories ground down Canadian industry to Depression levels. Or maybe the opposition would accept draconian laws mandating that the populous could drive their gas-guzzling dinosaurs only twice a week? Do I hear a "Yah!" from the Green Party? To go even half way with this nonsense would be political suicide. Bless Jeffery Simpson of The Globe and Mail, who opined that either the Opposition has spent too much time down the rabbit hole with Alice, or they are mere charlatans. Either way, they have exposed their shallow economic intelligence. Joe Canada can see through this political sophistry. However, if the Tories exposed this contradiction in an "attack ad", they would be accused of "American-style" political tactics.

© Bud Talkinghorn--Let me contribute to the next attack ad.

Decadent ... or sick

Terence Koh , Simon Houpt, Globe and Mail, Feb. 2, 07 -- or here


[....] Another piece installed at the Kunsthalle Zurich consisted of a labyrinth of 1,200 vitrines containing artifacts purchased from sex shops and flea markets that had been "whited" by a team of 28 assistants working for three months. Separated into 10 groups, the vitrines sold for between $65,000 (U.S.) and $265,000 per set.

(Those who can't afford those sorts of prices can buy themselves ... pairs of underwear -- that retail, according to his website, "used: $50; with sh** stains: $80; with c** stains: $100." ... with a "certificate of authenticity.") [** Figure it out.]

"I'm not sure if you know, but I think I can say I have a solo show coming up at the Art Gallery of Ontario," he suddenly says. "Some time in the near future. It's not possible for this year but possibly 2008. Or maybe 2009. Well, the whole point of this is to get me into the Venice Biennale. I wouldn't go to Canada just. . . ." He stops short, perhaps suddenly aware of how impolitic that sounds. He takes a swig of Maker's Mark and shrinks into his seat.

Blair breaks the awkward pause. "You're embracing your Canadianness, come on," she prods, and he picks up the theme. "Right. I like Canada. I love Canada, actually," he replies. "I like maple syrup and everything, Beaver Tails in Montreal." [....]

Naturally, you'll want to support a "Canadian" artist.


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